We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
