I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
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I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You did what with his pubic hair?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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