Screwed.edu
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There r osticjed everywhere
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
