Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
