So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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