I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
