I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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