She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
