ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
