wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
