It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
