Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
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It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
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I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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