I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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