I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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