so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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