sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
