I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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