Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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