Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
