i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
