I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
