Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
