Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I believe in your delicious
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
