Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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