I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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