i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
