so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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