Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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