video games are the ultimate cock blocker
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
