you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She tied me up with her honor cords...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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