You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
