she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
