I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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