theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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