she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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