anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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