I love black thongs
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
