Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
