the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
