found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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