SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
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