No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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