You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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