her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
