Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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