It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
