as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
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the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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