my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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