If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
