I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
