I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
