"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
