Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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