but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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