im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
