i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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