I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
