Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize