tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
